Day 53...I could get discouraged BUT!

So I woke up this am and I weighed myself. And lo and behold- I havent lost any weight - none. So heres what I know:
from the beginning of this journey Im probably down 5-6 pounds. Thats not horrible, but for someone who thought Id lose 20 pounds, well, helloooo.

I am ultimately accountable for this BECAUSE- If I look at my food logs I have a real problem with consistency. I go three or four days being "good" and then usually blow it by day 5. So I started thinking...if I really want this (and I really do) WHY DO I DO THIS TO MYSELF?

A few reasons I think of:

I use food as a reward. As a comfort. As a way to deal with frustration. ITs my one "coping thing". I try to basically control everything else in my life. so its my one bad thing..but how it makes me feel is so complex.
I think that for the most part I am very conscious of what I eat. PROB TOO CONSCIOUS. I look around  at people who are (in my mind) THIN and I see them eating pizza and I think- I cant eat any of that ever. ever. and maybe that sets me off feeling sorry for myself. like a crazy person.

So am ever conscious but trying to get to the bottom of it. I need to learn to comfort myself with things other than food. I am definitely into exercise now. So its just about trying to balance that stil and figure out where I will end up to be happy. I am also going to have to face my trainer and tell him that his goals for me are great- but I may feel even more pressure to live up to his expectations which in turn, sets me up to be defiant. Eat. circle. around and around.